Waiting

At least this time off has offered me the opportunity to start writing again. Enjoy.

Waiting…

A continuous cycle.

Up. Eat. Run. Write. Wait. Eat. Sleep. Repeat.

One day you hope to find what you are so desperately seeking. What you have sought after for so long. For now you just sit. Sit and hope and think and wait. Watch the clock. Or don’t. It rarely changes its long uneven arms. Those wiry arms that crawl around its face. Perhaps one day it will drip right off the wall. Why not? Anything is possible when one is uncertainly waiting.

Eventually, you lose your purpose. Your reason ‘to be’. Draw the shutters and turn the lights off. Allow the darkness to consume you and you it. Devour its soul. Feast on its vastness. It will fill you to the brim, with only an inch to spare.

Or perhaps you triumph over the never-ending feeling of infinity. Forever is such a long time. Make lists. Plans. Jobs. Continue waking and walking until the clock begins to spin its outstretched arms once more and you lose track of its movement.

Weeks roll by. Perhaps even months. You keep your lists. Continue with your plans. Move on with your jobs. Until one day you look to the clock and the stark, painful realisation hits you once more. A blow to the brain, or perhaps ego: you are still waiting. You still lack purpose. No list, no plan, no job can fill the ever lasting void. A mere plaster over a festering wound.

What now? Where will you go from here? Weeks and months seem like eternity and one knows the length and torture of forever. Change paths or create trails? How long until you find what you crave or simply what will satisfy you? Do you give way to other options? Other ideas? Diverge from your original plan and make for new possibilities? Apparently, they are endless.

Your mind is made up. Make for a new path. Find a new way out. Out of the woods and into the clearing. The wolves have found something new to bide their time. You are free. Or at least you can feel freedom breathing down the back of your neck. Not hot and heavy, but light and sweet. A signal of things to come. Hope temporarily fills the void that has haunted you for so long.

For now continue with your lists. Keep making plans. Enquire new jobs. There is the light at the end of the tunnel and the clearing is just ahead. Eventually, your love of life will be restored. It will be slow, hesitant, cautious. It has been burned before and fears the flame that sits before it. One can never be too careful with fire.

One day, in the midst of your lists, you will look to the clock. Something has changed. It no longer melts off the wall. Those outstretched arms will embrace you. The time is now. Your suffering has passed and your reward is great. The wound has healed and the void filled. In the absence of the darkness, welcome the light and look forward to the new day.