Saturday, December 6, 2008

Relaxing Saturdays Are The Best :)

So after quite an evening out last night for Sam's birthday I've decided to spend my Saturday night indoors, watching movies, eating pretzels, and catching up with friends back in the States (plus a bit of FB stalking in there ;) ). 

Last night was fun. At first I was very apprehensive about going; I was exhausted on top of not being too sure who else was going to be there. Luckily, it turned out to be a really great time. Once in a while it's nice just to let your hair down and feel like you're back in college--when you need to act 'business like' for 10 hours a day, 5 days a week, it starts to wear a person out after a while. That's not to say that I don't enjoy playing the part of the adult and adhering to expectations of the working world, but once in a while it's nice to remind myself that I'm only 22 and I'm still allowed to act my age :). 

I'm in dire need of new running shoes. My Asics are starting to make my feet burn after running and for the past month or so my knees have been aching after every run. Thank God I'm going home in two weeks (they're far too expensive to purchase here). I've come to the conclusion, and my boss agrees, that I need to find a happy medium between work and my running. I got to a point where I was pretty much all work and my running was suffering. That's not to say that I'm about to let my work suffer, but because running a huge stress release of mine, I can't afford to let it slip out of my life; there's only so much a person can do before they start making work their priority and their health and sanity begin to slip (I refuse to be married to my job...teacher or not I'm not about to let my health and well being slip).

I took a long walk today out to Caldacott Lake (a man made lake about 2 miles--or perhaps a bit more-- from my house). I got some really good shots on my walk there (all pictures are up on facebook) and then found a bench to park myself and read more of Russell Brands 'My Booky Wook' (such a hilarious book). I'm trying to put up pictures but it doesn't seem as though blogger wants to cooperate. I'll give it a try later.


Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Some more from good 'ol WH...

I probably shouldn't have the energy to write a post, but I figured that I might as well since I seem to be a roll. Either that or I'm avoiding the massive amount of books that are sitting on my bed next to me that need to be marked; I bloody hate marking. I got a bit of planning done-- I'm starting to find that, despite the fact that most of the schemes of works have been planned out for me, I really need to start altering the lessons so that it fits the needs of my students. I've been worrying about marking so much that I think I'm beginning to let some of my lessons slip. Students are leaving having learned something, but I'm worrying it's too monotonous and my younger students are beginning to get bored. I let them draw and annotate today, which was a spur of the moment thing. I find some of my best lessons of the youngn's are when I just go on a whim rather than have set plans; it's for my older students, whom, if I tried that with, I would sink 5 minutes into my lesson. I can only imagine it now. Year 13, teaching Gothic Literature, spur of the moment planning in my head...haha they would eat me alive. 

I had a brilliant lesson today with my Year 11s where I held a Socratic Seminar and they loved it. That took a bit more planning than usual, but for the most part, I found they really responded well to it--until one of my students decided he was going to put both of his legs over his head...yes, you read correct...a 16 year old boy put his legs OVER his head. Well you can only imagine the uproar that he sent my classroom into. Thank G-d it was at the end of the lesson and I was just going over Keepers. I thought I was going to piss myself to be honest--I can't keep a straight face with that class and, as much as they tend to drive me crazy, I feel like I'm slowly, but surely, forming a bond with them. 

Today I sent a Year 8 out of my classroom because he was 'Heil Hitler-ing' during my lesson (ruler had sticky tack on it, put it against his upper lip, and did the salute continuously). When asked whether he knew what he was doing he said, 'Yes! Being Hitler...' and continued to do it. When I sent him out, he got bent out of shape and literally 'Goose Stepped' out of my classroom. I almost chucked my copy of 'A Christmas Carol' at him--but managed to restrain myself. My poor class was in utter horror. Needless to say, he's now in deep shit with the administration at the school... :)

My year 7s continue to be completely unbearable. One on one they're fine, but there is a distinct reason why I DID NOT WANT TO BE A MIDDLE SCHOOL TEACHER! I do not have the patience for students who cannot keep their hands to themselves. I did not go to school to be a babysitter thank you--it is not my duty to teach your children how to bloody share and keep their grimy hands to themselves. If I wanted to do that, I would have gone into Early Childhood Education or Elementary Education, and would not have poured hours and hours over people like Byron, Ginsberg, Chaucer, Southwell, and many others. I am here to teach English--NOT to play nanny. 

That was my little rant about my year 7s. 

I cannot wait until I begin my Masters. I'm still looking over the programs that universities around here offer. I think I'm going to need to get a car if I do end up staying here for Grad School. I'm still playing with the idea of applying to Oxford and Cambridge. Right now my main options would be one of the schools in the University of London system, Northhamton, Nottingham, and a few others. 

Okay I need to get a bit of marking done before I head to bed. All lessons planned out for tomorrow (as are Friday's lessons). This weekend will be fun--Out on Friday night for Sam's birthday (a bit of bar hopping) followed by some faffing on Saturday and then marking all day Sunday...seeing Jason somewhere in there :) And I'm home in about 18 days. It'll be really nice to see family and friends


Sunday, November 30, 2008

Gobble Gobble...

Last night I held my first 'party'; A Thanksgiving meal to be exact, and what a time it was! 15 people in total, mostly from the English department along with my housemate Mel, Jason and a few significant others (of those in the English department). A 20 pound turkey, heaps of stuffing, green bean casserol, two types of mash, rolls, a vegetarian dish, three types of pudding (thats another word for pie for those of you reading this from the USA) and other yummy food were all included in last night's festivities. (To the right is Lucy checking up on her 'other baby...')












 (Me and my INCREDIBLE American Flag pie compliments of Sophie)

It was really nice being able to have everyone together for an evening away from work. A few of us went out for dinner on Tuesday evening, followed by watching the opening of the school musical 'Notre Damn.' That was wonderful, but it was still school related and, quite frankly, the fact that we had our boss about 30 ft from us the entire night and were surrounded by our students, didn't exactly make for a 'relaxing' evening. 
(Close up of 'The Beast')
Getting back to the meal last night; it really was brilliant. I truly feel as though I'm beginning to connect with these people on more of a friend level--I hated how, up until recently, it still felt just like 'work.' The people I work with have been nothing but incredible towards me and, believe me, I am so grateful for that; however, last night I finally felt as though I have actual friends here in MK. Sophie REALLY made it seem like that with her incredible creation that she brought with her for the meal (American Flag pie); I LOVED IT!!! :) 

Over all, a good time. There aren't any pictures (well any good ones) of Jason and I (for those nosey people out there who are reading this right now...you know who you are ;) ). I'll have to find some for when I return home in December (which happens to be in 3 weeks...just putting that out there...not counting or anything :-D). 

Monday, November 24, 2008

Triumph and turkey...


This past weekend I played in my first tournament since arriving to the UK with MK Ultimate. Located in LOVELY (and I say that with the upmost sarcasm) Luton, 19 teams came together for indoor Regionals. 'You make REGIONALS!?' you might be asking yourself, and my answer is 'haha of course not!' There were two brackets: Upper and lower (those who had a chance at going to Nationals and those who didn't stand a chance in hell--aka the Swiss Bracket). Regardless of this separation, we managed to take first place in the lower
                       (MK Ultimate)
bracket (aka 13th place). Lucky for us only three teams were awarded prizes this past weekend; 1st, 13th and spirit award (which, for your information, was like reading off bloody objectives of a lesson plan. For example 'Team understood the rules of the game or were open and willing to learn aspects of the game they were not familiar with. Rate 0 being poor, 1 being normal, 2 being exceptional'--o_O). Our prize was suppose to be The Plate, but being we were in the Swiss Bracket, we were awarded with copious amounts of Swiss Chocolate (Toblerone to be exact--oh sweet sweet victory :-D ).   

               











(MK Ultimate in all of our Chocolate glory!)

This weekend I'm 'making' my first Thanksgiving dinner! 'Making' because I'm having each person bring one item on my list of food, so technically I'm not cooking everything; just the main bits of the meal. I'm slightly nervous about how this is all going to fall together--it really could be a complete and utter disaster, or it could be heaps of fun (I'm really aiming for the latter of the two...). Jason will be there, which will be nice as my entire department will be there as well and I can finally start acting normal with him whilst they're all around (for the past three months, and understandably so, I've been 'sneaking around' the department, so to say, with how I act with him.). I have about 17 people coming (department and housemates included), which leaves much room for something to wrong--fingers crossed it all works out fine...

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Relaxing on a cold and grey Saturday afternoon...

Saturday afternoon and I'm sitting the Milton Keynes Public Library poking about on the internet. Jason and I headed into the City Centre to mill about the acheological exhibition they have up in the library followed by lunch and coffee at Waterstones. The archeological exhibit they had here displayed artifacts that dated back to the ancient Roman period; found right here in Milton Keynes! Imagine this: Gold coins, pipes, buttons, jewlery and many other items, that date as far back as 300AD!! There's a lot to be seen right here in what seems like a very quaint and simple area. It's mind boggling to say the least.

The weather is cold and grey, but it's warm and inviting in here. There's a talk on Mosaics in the other room (we ended up back here after Waterstones), but I opted out in hopes to update this thing and look up a few pieces of information for graduate school. I still don't know what I'm going to do past this year, but I figured it was a good idea to begin looking up programs just in case I realize I want to stay here. I'm looking into Northhamton, Oxford/Cambrige (I know but my grandparents said go for it anyway), the Open University, Royal Holloway and a few others.

I have five weeks until I'm finished with my first full term of teaching. If I survive through this I have accomplished one hell of a feet. Apparently, the first term is the most difficult, and after Christmas it becomes much easier. Lets hope this is really the case and not just some crazy claim people have come up with. I had my first observation this week. I received a 3, though it was on classroom management and I wasn't expecting much more than that; to be honest I was a bit disappointed, but there's not much I can do except take the constructive critisim and run with it. God I hope I survive the next five weeks; I really hope that I have chosen the right profession. People keep telling me that I'm "brave for going off to another country and starting my first real career as a teacher at the age of 21." To be honest, I think starting a teaching job at the age of 21 is brave in itself. I take my hat off to any of my fellow collegues who have gone into teaching directly after university and are surviving (even if only just). The fact that I am in a different country just shows that I am extremely brave, rather naive and stupid, or very much a masachist (sp?).

Sunday, November 9, 2008

November weather sucks...

So this past week was just about as intolerable as ever. Luckily, after being forced to go into work for three hours on Saturday, I was able to get into London, have some time to myself, and spend some much needed time with Bri and Travis--having an old friend from Towson, so close to me, is such a wonderful thing. I truly needed last night, and regardless of the fact that we pretty much were exhausted by 12, seeing an old friend gave me that much needed extra boost.

The terrible weather (SADD), PMS, culture shock, homesickness, as well as some other issues caused me (on Sunday) to seriously question whether or not I should have made the move to England in the first place; no thanks to a few friends, I quickly realized that it's silly to question a life altering decision based off of one horrible week--especially when everything else, up until now, has proven to be incredible. Though the novelty of being in a different country has begun to wear off, I don't think it will ever completely lose its effect. I am an American, always will be an American, and America will continue to be my home, regardless of my current location. I don't know how long my time here will be-- it could be another year, it could end as quickly as the middle of July when school lets out-- I really can't begin to make that decision at the moment. 

Tuesday's election will go down in history; Nationally and World Wide. While many see this election as a breakthrough for the Black community in the US (and I certainly agree, it most definitely is), I see it more as a movement towards what we once were: a strong country, acting as one, defined by our patriotism and our desire to be great. On November 4, 2008 we began our steps, though small, towards once again becoming united as one, rather divided by two. McCain's concession speech proved, once and for, all that we MUST begin to work together if we wish to uphold the reputation America once had. The booing of his supporters did not shed positive light on the Republican Party, but his message certainly made up for it. Obama, whilst I was rather skeptical about voting for him in the beginning (up until about three months ago to be honest), proved that he fully understands the task ahead; his term(s) will not be easy. His speech proved that he understood that this change will not happen over night, just as Bush did not undo all that America had, prior to his presidency, overnight. (In my opinion, along with many others, Obama's speech will go down in history). The next 4-8 years will be grueling, and immediate positive change will not be apparent (this is something that many American's need to come to terms with); however, if Obama can do so much as to pave the way for change and rebuilding of American, in my own personal opinion, he has done his job.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Nel Silenzo...

I arrived home from Italy on Friday relaxed and feeling incredibly at ease. I had ONE day back here feeling completely stress free, and I wake up today, after over half a bottle of wine, Amereto, and various other comfort foods, feeling like shit. I don't think there are words for how angry/upset/frustrated I am at the moment. It's like I've been pushed and pulled by the neck for the past month and a half, repetitively, much like one does to a rubber band, and finally I've been sent flying through the air; I have no clue where I'm going to land. 

I was told last night that I was a cynical person. That hopefully one day I'll find someone who I can open up to. And that I'm really quite immature in some aspects of my personality. 

Ouch.

At this point, I've realized 9 times out of 10 it really is me. That perhaps I am a horrible person, or at least I've been made to feel like one in this particular situation. Obviously there are other people out there, but when those people come into my life I  will probably end up screwing it up, yet again; this will come as no surprise. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I am going to be alone the rest of my life because of who I am as an individual; men don't want to be with a person like me. 

It's amazing how wine and Ameretto mixed together can really take away the pain of the initial blow and send you into that false sense of ease. I just needed that for one more night before I begin clawing my way back down to reality. As most of you know, I'm not a heavy drinker by any means necessary, but I can certainly see why people turn to alcohol if they've given up. Thank God my two (female) roommates were there for moral support. 

My brain right now is on fire--literally and metaphorically speaking--or maybe that's just my pounding headache. Regardless, I am now going into overdrive mode. This is where I busy myself to the point of having no life as a means to forget, for a while, exactly what happened. Typically, my lessons turn out the best during this time, the rate at which I accomplish things is incredible, and my over all persona, on the outside, is beaming; there's nothing worse than someone who wears his or her emotions on their sleeve at work. I think the British call it a "stiff upper lip..."  

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Greetings from Italy!

Hi all! Just thought I'd quickly update you on life in Italy.

So far--oh my goodness. That is about all I can say without going on some crazy rant. I have only been here (in Rome that is) for two days and I'm completely in love with this place. It's romantic, beauitful, and lively. I can't type much right now because I'm on a time limit. I am posting my picutres on facebook now for your viewing pleasure ;). Thus far I've seen the Colluseum, The Palentine, Arch di Augustus, The Pantheon at night, The Vatican and a few other things here and there. I am heading to the Jewish museum/synogogue tomorrow. The Vatican (which we saw today) was just simply beautiful. Intricate, sublime, and awe inspiring, it's no wonder people flock there by the thousands for spiritual experience. The Sistine Chapel is just eye popping and jaw dropping; I could not believe my eyes it was simple incredible. I might go back on Wednesday morning to hear the Pope Speak (he does every Wednesday around 11am) just to say that I did.

Must be off. Writing a few postcards and then heading out to dinner with Omar (one of the many interesting international people I've met on this trip).

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Too low to find my way, to high to wonder why...

I don't feel like writing in complete sentences for this post so here's a bulleted one:
  • 5 days until Italy--the the excitement is overwhelming. :)
  • I just spent my entire day marking and doing house work. I am beginning to LOATH sundays no thanks to teaching...
  • The British Gas company is a complete waste of my time and effort--day 5 of not having hot water OR heat (bring on the five million layers of clothing--wahoo!).
  • I'm going to end up heading to bed at a ridiculously early time this evening. I really am turning into an old lady...
  • Halloween this year brings many interesting things: Coming back from my first experience in Italy, finding out once and for all whether or not this is actually going to happen, my first experience of Halloween in a different country (which should be rather interesting). I still have yet to purchase a costume--do I hear a Cat for the umpteenth year in a row...? I thought so.
  • Oh here's a goodie--I went to the Globe this weekend! I had a wonderful time (pictures will be up on facebook) seeing the place where Shakespeare thrived. Managed to pick up a few posters for my classroom (and one postcard for my own personal use). And no, you really cannot say Macbeth within the walls of the theatre; not unless you want have someone force you to leave the building, turn around three times, spit on the floor, knock on the door, and then wait to be let in (or so said the tour guide--who happened to be incredibly pretty--and possibly incredibly gay...).
Well that was my quick post for the evening. I'm pretty much planned for the entire week. I have two and a half more classes to grade and then I can finally get my half term break underway...God do I need this...

Sunday, October 12, 2008

And I will go down with this ship...

This weekend was probably the worst weekend I've had here in the UK. Friday night was, to put it bluntly, lame. Saturday after running in the morning, I went into school and did marking/prepping for this week for four hours, lunch/walk in the woods with Jason was lovely (only nice thing about the weekend really...) finally getting my card at HSBC, doing a bit of therapy shopping/drinking with Michelle, and then heading to bed at 11pm (what a Saturday night...). Today after running in the morning, I got myself ready and graded/cleaned/planned all day long. I've been so frustrated with this entire situation that I actually cleaned my ENTIRE house with the exception of my housemates rooms. Swept, hoovered, and wiped down every square inch of the main areas (including my room); A good stress relief (as is this post)--at least when I'm stressed I'm productive. Tonight will be spent finishing my marking of one classes exams, a glass of wine and one of my books.

I'm a bit ticked off that I needed to go into work on a Saturday; my father brought it my attention that I actually worked for the past 8 days straight (Sunday-Sunday). *sigh* I suppose in the back of my mind I knew that this was going to be the case during my first year. I hope that, as I become acclimated with teaching, it becomes easier and I can give myself more "me" time. It's terrible that I feel guilty for taking time out of my day today to clean/do laundry/make and eat dinner. It's like I'm student teaching again--at least I'm getting paid for this. 

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Reflecting on the year past...

And so, as the weather continues to grow colder, the people Jewish faith quickly approach Yom Kippur, the day of repentance. It seems rather ironic that Yom Kippur falls during the Autumn season. While the Jews wandered in the desert, one can be quite certain that the change of weather was no where near as apparent as it was/is in other areas of the World. Autumn is a time when life begins to end its cycle once more and we once more reflect on our actions over the course of the past year, hoping to be sealed in the "Book of Life" (Note the term 'hoping.' The other option would be less desirable...). 

All of this can really drive one to have a sit and think...

It is incredible how much an individual can change in the course of one single year. That's 12 months. 52 weeks. 365 days. I won't even try to calculate the hours, minutes, and seconds, but you get my point. Looking back to this time last year, I was a completely different person in many aspects of my life. I was beginning my professional year at Towson and still coming out of a rather difficult summer. One may say that my actions could be seen as rather selfish, and to some degree I agree one hundred percent; however, some of it I feel was rather necessary in order to get to where I am now. Some of my experiences during the beginning months scared me, because I saw an entirely new side of myself that I did not like. And yet, from these rather upsetting experiences came great ones--experiences which opened doors for me and helped me to become ad better person as a whole. Through bettering myself,  I was able to act as a better friend, in turn, gaining the most incredible group of friends I have ever had. Period. This process was not easy, and as stated before, it took me to hit just about rock bottom in order to get back up to where I wanted to be, where I am now, and where I hope to stay for quite some time. 

During my time trying to bring myself up to where I am now, for those of you whom I may have neglected, may have not been the nicest to, and/or perhaps all together fell away from, I have this to say: I apologize whole heartedly. My intentions were NEVER to hurt you, and while you may not want to begin speaking with me again, I hope that you can accept my apology; I never meant to hurt you if I managed to do so. 

As I said before, it took many events to drive me to "rock bottom" so to say, but there was one that you may call the straw that broke the camels back. Jeff, I'm sure you never read this, but on the off chance that you do, I apologize. I apologize for letting the differences in our personalities ruin any civility that we may have had between us. I should have been the mature one in the situation to simply LET IT GO; but of course, hind sight is 20/20, and if I knew even remotely CLOSE to what I know now, well lets just say much of what happened never would have. On the same token, what ever you had said/written/done is and has been long forgotten; in light of Yom Kippur it has also been forgiven. 

There were few of you who have hurt me this year, if any, and for that I am truly lucky/blessed. Those of you who know me well know I, for the most part, do not hold grudges, and so if anything happened between us, you were forgiven long ago.  

I hope that everyone who is observing has a meaningful and thoughtful fast. I am off now to get a bit of dinner and then head in for the evening after a very long and tiring day. 

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Save my pennies for a rainy day...

It's officially Autumn here in the British Isles. I believe Wednesday was the first official day, but this weekend has certainly reassured us all that Summer is long gone. The air is cold, crisp, sometimes rainy, and all the times blustery. I don't think I'll be leaving my house for the next 24 hours until I absolutely need to. I've already ruined, per say, the bottoms of two pairs of jeans...I'm not happy. 

This weekend went incredibly quick. Friday night I spent cleaning my room, getting a few things sorted out, indulging in a glass of wine, and then heading to bed at the ghastly hour of 9pm. Welcome to life as a working adult. It's exciting beyond imagination. Seriously. ... Teaching really takes more out of you than one could ever expect. My Friday's tend to be less intense than the rest of the week. Unfortunately, it's all the work that is done AFTER the students leave that really can wipe you out. The monotonous grading of books where students constantly misuse commas, full stops (periods in American), They're/their/there, where/were, effect/affect, accept/except and the list goes on.  It's the need for differentiating in EVERY BLOODY LESSON that causes you to spend three hours on a lesson when it really should only take an hour max; after a while I completely give up and just hope for the best. The silver lining of all this is that I'm not the only one struggling at the moment--most new teachers are and it's reassuring to know that I'm not alone. I could easily see how this section of my post could go off on a rant about how the children of the UK are falling as fast as the children in the US. How their education system is just as messed up and backwards as ours. How this "Every Child Matters" bullshit is just a different name for the "No Child Left Behind" act. But I won't, because I know I've already lost most of you to the next paragraph of this blog. So I'll continue on...

Yesterday was a bit more entertaining. Bri came to visit, which was simply awesome :) It was so nice to see her, especially since it's been almost 2 years! We got a bite of lunch at Ha Ha Grill (really good food, not so wonderful service), headed over to the mall area, walked around, bought a shirt from Monsoon (it was on sale--I can't actually afford clothes in that store) and then headed back to my house. Jason picked me up about 7, though we didn't actually leave until 9. We finally headed over to Stoney Stratford for the evening. The architecture is BEAUTIFUL there, even in the evening and more so even when it's raining/crappy out. We had some amazing Indian food last night, some really wonderful conversation, and then headed over to The Bull (since the other place was closing at 11pm on a saturday night. I was not impressed by this...) for a drink and a sit by the fire. What a nice evening! 

Today will be spent doing laundry, creating powerpoints for my lessons this week, more cleaning, reading and, as my roommate Michelle says, much faffing about :)

Home sickness is setting in a bit right now. I'm not sure if it's the weather, my terrible PMS or a mixture of both. Some things I'm urning for at the moment: Bagel Bin/Bagel Boys, beautiful Autumns in Maryland and New York, trips to Columbia with Lori SCREAMING the Jimmy Eat World song as we speed down 695, early morning autumn runs down Putty Hill, Anny and Chris, crazy nights out with Sarah, Purrrfect Pitch madness, my second home: Starbucks, Susan always reminding me of such, the PNUSSY wagon, spurratic Panera meetings with my Wife, ladies nights out with Erin followed by much complaining about how Mahwah is a TERRIBLE place for people our age, and so much more :(

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Sunny Days...

Back in school after a long (though very pleasant) Birthday/Jewish New Year. Southampton was very nice despite the less than decent shul experience. The service was long, the rabbi was okay, the crowd was extremely OLD and the chorus made me (along with Dave and his sister) cringe. The sermon was what I had a real issue with. The title could have been "Leaving our selves and coming back to our selves." This idea that we should not think that our actions do not matter in life, but that in fact, they really do (at this point the small Existential part of me that does exist is going "yeah right..." while throwing any book by Camus at the Rabbi). His over all message was as follows: Doing good will bring you closer to G-d.

Blank stare.

Richard Dawkin's wrote on this issue in his book The God Dilemma. He made the statement that many people only do good in order to please/bring themselves close to God. I find a major flaw in this mindset (mostly stemming from Dawkin's point). If we only perform acts of love and kindness in order to please or become closer to G-d, then does that not make us as sinful as the person who goes out and intentionally performs acts of evil? If we are choosing to do good simply to please ourselves and the almighty being, then truly, we are not "good," but rather looking for that gold star to stick into our notebooks in hopes that, come the end of term, when we're standing at those pearly gates facing that big scary headmaster, he/she sees that we have a plethora of gold stars and enough to enter into Heaven; a selfish mindset indeed. To further this, Dawkins asks what would happen if there was no higher being to please, no one to fear, and no place to fear going to, would people STILL perform acts of love and kindness? One can only hope.

Enough on my religious rant. Unfortunately, this is where my views of organized religion are headed. Don't get me wrong, the culture and the history of the Jewish religion will always be in my heart--forever--there is no doubt about that. Many Jews will agree that Judaism is much more than JUST a religion--it is a people, it is a culture, and it is a nation. However, the existence of God and the over all idea of God itself has truly sparked many questions for me in the past few months or so.

Just to put it out there: it's official (by US standards). *Insert big beaming smile of happiness and joy* If you don't understand what I'm talking about, ask.

I'm at school right now during my free period so I should probably get some work done so I'm not here forever. (This post really has NOTHING to do with my experience teaching--though more about my experience in England...so I suppose it's okay that it's on here...)

More later!

Sunday, September 28, 2008

It's your G-d forsaken right to be loved, loved, loved, loved...

It's turning cold here in England. The leaves are changing and there's a definite uncertainty lingering in the air that comes with the rapid approach of Autumn. I've officially come down with my annual pre-winter cold...what a mess. 

Last Monday-Wednesday I spent 13 hours at work, preparing and having nervous breakdowns as a result of the lovely tri-annual visit from the government grouped named OFSTED. I didn't see much sunlight those three days as I was walking to work in the early hours of the morning and leaving as the sun had just set behind the hills of Milton Keynes. This visit managed to turn everyone into edgy work-a-holic fiends; a terrible mixture, especially for teachers. The entire school was on edge as the group of five moved throughout the school during the day on Wednesday and Thursday. I felt like I was in the middle of a "Big Brother" episode--it was as if they could hear and see you at all times. Finally, Thursday afternoon approached and we all breathed a sigh of relief followed by the pop of the champagne cork (the English department knows how to party ;) ). It was nice that our lives could now return to their normal state of chaos.

This weekend was wonderful. Jackie and Tony came from Manchester to help me celebrate my birthday;I couldn't have asked for a better way to celebrate. We had a drink or two on Friday evening before coming home and passing out. Saturday we spent in central Milton Keynes shopping followed by coming home to a wonderful surprise from Jason. He had mentioned a few times that my bookshelf was far too bare for an English teacher. So he spent a bit of Saturday in Watersones Book Store buying me books--a total of 6. I honestly have never received a nicer gift from a guy in my entire life. The purchase was so well through out, as was the lovely note he wrote me, the wrapping paper (actually news paper), and the cute little notes he wrote me on wrapped book. I'm still beaming from the amazing gift--it was far more than I could have ever asked for (yes, I'm ending this sentence in a preposition...). Jackie, Tony, and myself met Jason at Zizi's for dinner later on that evening. Stepping back from the conversation momentarily, I realized at one point during the evening that I could see all of four of us getting together on a regular basis. I was not the only one who saw this as well--both Jackie and Jason mentioned something to me at separate times during the evening. I honestly cannot believe that it's turning out like this, and this well for that matter. Incredible. 

Well, now that all is said and done, Jackie and Tony have gone home. I have planning to get done for this week as I'll be in Southampton for the new years with Dave and his sister. An early L'shanah Tovah to everyone who is observing. 

Tomorrow is my birthday but it doesn't really seem like it--22 doesn't have the appeal that 21 had. It's just another year older at this point I suppose.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Mistaking the smell of cold stone with education

Today was, without a doubt, the best Saturday I've had in years. To begin, the weather could not have been any more beautiful. I woke up at 9:30 and decided that it was nice enough to have breakfast in the backyard. Nothing like eggs, toast, coffee and the NYTIMES online to start off your day. The stock market skyrocketed after being on the brink of crashing this past Wednesday. A hugh sigh of relief was splattered across the entire business section. 

11am Jason came and picked me up to head up to Cambridge for the day. What a trip. One hour on the A4 and we were in the middle of the City Centre. We saw so much that I can barely remember everything. To name a few things:
1. Corpus Christy and Christ Church
2. Old Wooden Church/A climb to the top to see all of Cambridge
3. A nice tea shop--Tea and a breakfast scone with jam and cream (oh man was that delicious!)
4. A 45 minute Punting ride up and down the river--the most relaxing thing I have ever experienced (I can't wait to try it again in Italy come October!)
5. Stone, brick and thatched roof buildings that probably dated as far back as the medieval period (I was in awe of most of the structures). 
6. A nice hour spent lounging on one of the many grassy areas by the river watching the world go by.

*Phew* What a day it was indeed. I'm all smiles right now--really cannot help myself. Pictures are up on facebook and I urge you to look--the scenery was simply wonderful! 

Tomorrow I need to return to reality and buckle down with a bit of running/errands/grading before my housemates and I head off for a bit of bonding time at the local pub. 

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Still alive and kick'n...

I know I’ve been MIA for a couple of weeks now, and I do apologize for that. Last week was my first full week of teaching and this week, thus far, has been insanity. First and foremost—I survived my first full week of teaching. *Insert Rocky theme song* It’s 5:50 am my time here so please excuse if this post isn’t the most coherent—I’m still feeling exhausted after a long, stressful day yesterday.

Last week passed rather quickly and was wrapped up with an evening out with my colleagues, turning out to be an over all good time. My students, for the most part, were wonderful. There were a few times that I wanted to go ape-shit on them, but I managed to keep that under wraps. I tried to go into Cambridge this past Saturday, but I found myself sitting at the bus station for an hour and a half without any sign of a bus. Fail. Instead I went and met up with my roommate, Michelle, in London. There is this awesome festival every Saturday down by the Thames, and seeing Saturday was such a lovely day, it was packed. By the Tate museum they had Salsa dancing, which was awesome. Sarah, if you’re reading this, you would be in heaven. Anyway, we spent the rest of the evening in London reeking havoc on the city and all that jazz ;)

Sunday I managed to get grading in followed by a nice trip to an apple orchard with one of my colleagues. He teaches the BTEC students (really low achieving students, like our tech. students at home) horticultural, and needed to make sure that it was okay to take them apple picking. It was a lovely break to the grading and what not.

My students have been driving me nuts all week long. There’s no rhyme or reason, just that they’re settling in and I’m not longer a novelty to them. I have to really buckle down on them because yesterday one of my classes had me in tears I was so frustrated. I didn’t want middle school for a reason and I have four classes of Year 7/8. *Sigh* I’m hoping today will be better.

A few, quick, updates:

My bike is in and I’ve been using it every chance I can get.

My great grandmother died Monday morning at the incredible age of 102. We’ll miss her terribly.

I’m coming home to the States for winter break on the 21 and will be in Baltimore on the 29-2 of December/January

Time for a run and then off to work.

Monday, September 8, 2008

It had to happen...

So regardless of my last blog post, I knew that there are going to be those days when I second guess my decision to travel abroad for teaching directly after graduating from undergraduate. I could have simply taken a job in Baltimore, Howard, or Montgomery County, and stayed local to my friends. I could have taken the safe rout, something I knew and was familiar with--then again, I don't think  I would have appreciated it as much, in fact, I know I wouldn't have. However, today was very difficult for me--in fact, the past few days has been rather rough. I found myself missing friends terribly, feeling a bit lonely, though never physically alone. My roommates are wonderful, don't get me wrong, and they certainly brought me out of the slump today, but they're either from England, grew up in the "British" school system, or are used to being away from friends for long periods of time. The two American women I met from the synagogue were nice, but there was something about them that just didn't fit with me. They're married/engaged and seem to have settled quite nicely with their significant other. They have their own friends, their own daily rituals, and to be honest, made me feel even more like an outsider without intentionally doing so. My students today were particularly horrible, though that really didn't dissuade me from anything-- I think it was the overwhelming amount of information about testing during our curriculum meeting that really brought me into a slump. I told one of my colleagues today that I'm feeling frustrated, after all that time and effort poured into the program at Towson, I feel as though I've almost regressed because I'm learning a new system. I'm frustrate and feel as though I should be farther ahead than I really am. Luckily he assured me that I was not alone and that there's no reason to feel like that--he grew up in England and still felt confused. As a side note,  I did something really stupid this morning that just added to the way I felt today. I found myself falling back into, what I suppose I could call, a bad habit. Luckily, I've taken care of it and it's done with--I don't think I'll ever find myself doing that again. I had to consistently remind myself that this experience abroad is my reward for putting up with certain things during my college experience--don't waste this incredible opportunity on thinking about certain people/things that are in the past because I'll never get that time back. 

I'm exhausted and I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow. I should head off to fold laundry, plan, make lunch and then sleep. 

More later...

Thursday, September 4, 2008

First official day...

I know it's been a while since I last wrote, but I figured I'd update you all on what's going on, specifically the fact that today was my first FULL day of teaching.Good news! I'm not running for the hills, tearing my hair out, hailing a cab back to the States. I had an interesting day, filled with both good and bad encounters. I had, what I will now (and forever) refer to as, my "crazy eights" class. A class filled with low achieving, chatty, misbehaving students, who left me with a migrane come 12:10. Regardless of this, I said something to a few of the teachers/heads of houses, and by 3:30 this afternoon I had one verbal apology from one of the "instigaters" in that class, two teachers (one being one of the Vice Principals) coming in tomorrow during my lesson, and three other teachers willing and ready to help whenever I needed it--to be frank, this school is simply incredible and supportive. Needless to say, my crazy eights will be met with a seating chart (my other students were perfectly capable of handling the idea of sitting where they wanted), two guests and class work (as opposed to the 'fun work' my other students will be completing) tomorrow when they arrive.

Aside from that, I had a few wonderful experiences. First, my "mentor" teacher, whom is also one of the four VPs here at the school, is helping me with my Year 11s and 13s. She asked if I could handle Year 11 (I was, and still am, a bit nervous about her being in the room with me at all times simply because I know I'll be observed at all times and that is a bit unnerving) on my own, and I assured her I would be fine. Apparently she liked what she saw because she interrupted the head of the English department's (also my boss) class to tell her how well I had done (I found this out from my boss later on). Finally, during our house meetings they read three essays written by three different Year 7s regarding their first day at Walton High. Somehow my name made it into all three essays (I must have won them over with my chocolate activity--note to self, feed students).

This past weekend we all piled up to Manchester to visit Sinead for her 21st birthday bash--what a time it was as well! For those of you who haven't already, view my facebook profile, you'll see the shenanigans that actually went on through the various pictures ;) Needless to say, it was QUITE the weekend :)

It's now 930pm here and I'm completely exhausted. My friend Dave from Oxford is coming to visit this weekend, which will be nice. I have a lot of things coming up to look forward to, aside from getting into the swing of things at Walton High. I miss everyone heaps, but after today, I know that I've chosen the right path for myself.

More later! 

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Time well spent...

It’s over a week since I settled into my house here in Milton Keynes. All but one of my roommates have moved in and, to be honest, we get on really well! Though they’re guys, and can be a bit sloppy, I find them more of a stress release than anything. They taught me how to play cricket and I managed to teach them how to play ultimate—I might drag them to practice next Tuesday (I know they’ll be hurting by the end, and probably hating me for it, but I figured it’s completely worth it).

Before I get into the massive paragraph about Walton High, I figured I’d just write down some other aspects of my new-found life. Running, for example, has brought me to a place of serenity and relaxation. As I said before, MK has a massive bike path that spans the perimeter. I have found a path that is utterly incredible—I mean mind boggling. Imagine this: you’re running, and after about five minutes of roadways and bridges, you find yourself at this field with nothing but trees and the English country side on either side. Looking out to the east you find these almost sublime trees that seem to watch over the area, followed by at least 3 dozen sheep (haha I found this so amusing today!). Running into one of the near by villages, you turn left and you’re now running behind these trees with a waterway on your right. The rout is absolutely astounding. I know of another path, a fork in the road where I always bear left, that I’m determined to take either tomorrow or Sunday. It seems to lead to more country-side, though I can’t be too sure. I feel like I’m in my own little world when I’m running and I can pretty much forget about everything.

I’ve been having very strange dreams these past few nights, mostly due to the horrible mattress they provided for me (I’m calling the mattress company come tomorrow). Dreams ranging from trying to burn my mother’s house down (WHAT?!) to running into my ex, Jeff, whom I haven’t seen or spoken to in a year (what made me think of him is beyond me) are only the beginning. I find myself waking up in cold sweats, which is highly unlike me. To be frank, it’s bizarre. 

Now for the Walton High update: I just went through two days of orientation (Tuesday and Wednesday) where they managed to throw enough information at us to make all of our heads spin. Thank G-d for my diligent note taking skills, otherwise I would have NEVER remembered any of it (some of my colleagues figured this out and I've noticed that a few of them time to time will glance over at what I'm writing lol). The education system here is just completely different in so many ways. First, and fore most, I've never ever ever been told (unlike at Towson where they practically ingrained this into our skulls) that "It's now ALL about the Students." Their mission statement and code of conduct is that, EVERYONE (including teachers) are entitled to attending classes and participating in the learning that goes on at Walton High. So this means, during my time off, I can sit in on a class, lets say Math, and not only listen to observe different methods and styles of teaching, but also to learn something( Maybe one of my Math colleagues will figure out how to get something more complex than 2 times 2 through this thick scull of mine). We also, every Wednesday, have short courses. Students end classes after lunch and then participate in random "classes" run by administrators and staff alike. Yoga, baseball, drawing, learning a language, ultimate frisbee (10 guesses who'll be running that one ;) ), and so much more are just a few examples of what we're doing. Ok here's the best part--we have houses--yes houses--just like Harry Potter. The head of my house wanted to call them by the Harry Potter names, but none of the teachers wanted to be Hufflepuff (understandably). We have fierce competition among the houses, especially during Sports Day where all have people representing their houses in various sports activities. Students pile out into the massive fields we have in the back (these things are ginormouse lol) with colored banners, face paint and pom pom--they spend the day coming up with cheers and making these banners and such. The school has an extremely high expectation for academics. Students have been given everything from a massive computer room that can sit 6 classes at once (about 120 students), white boards, interactive white boards, new labs for science, TVs and projectors in every room and so much more. There is a strict STRICT no gum chewing policy and no backpack rule during school and, because of this, the entire building looks BRAND NEW. They are building a brand new theatre facility where all the plays and assemblies will eventually take place (right now the hall cannot fit the entire school so we go in two groups). Our school is called a Business and Enterprise school--Tony Blair and Gordon Brown visited the school because of this. We are enforced to some how relate our lessons to something related to business and enterprise--I suppose business writing will be mine (uhg...). Their motto in this area is that, they do not want to create a student who is only going to be talking about breaking even, stock market, making money etc. etc. (all though that would be nice haha), but someone who can go into the work force and some how offer their potential employers something that will make them more desirable than their competition. There is a STRICT uniform policy--to the point that girls MUST have their hair up at all times, NO jewelry (unless it's two tiny posts in each lobe of their ears), no makeup and no nail polish! HAHA it's awesome...I can't wait to enforce that. Cell phone and iPods are a no no and can be confiscated at any time and put into a room where a parent must them come in and pick them up.

I'm heading to Manchester for the weekend with my friend John to meet up with some old RHUL friends. One of our mutual friends is having a weekend long birthday bash that I'm very excited about. My final weekend of freedom ;) Pictures of the house and other random things are up on facebook so check them out. More are definitely to come. 

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Settling in...

Well, it's officially my first full day here in Milton Keynes. I arrived yesterday about 11am (two hours past my supposed landing time). From Heathrow I was taken to Walton High. The school, without a doubt, is the largest high school I've seen in my life (well, New Rochelle high is much larger, but moving on...). The staff is incredibly nice and hospitable. I feel as though I'll be fine when it comes to fitting in/meeting teaching standards. The students' GSCEs just arrived today and, from what I've been told, all scored very high--a good sign indeed ;) 

My house is HUGE. I've never lived in a place like this--EVER! It has two levels--five bedrooms and two empty rooms, a brand new kitchen with top of the line appliances, fully furnished dinning and living room, and all bedrooms come with furniture and bedding. *waits for reader to close mouth from amazement* haha. My two roommates, thus far, are incredibly nice. One is from Packastan and one from Manchester (he's Muslim as well). The other woman is from Australia, though she's having issues with her Visa at the moment and isn't arriving until the first day of classes. I told her I'd update her on anything she needed to know. The town of MK is set up very much like Columbia, Maryland. You have Milton Keynes, the actual town, but within the town you have places like Kings Contrivance, Huntington etc. I live in Walnut Tree, a subset of Milton Keynes and each subset, much like Columbia, has a town centre (note the spelling haha). The area is very English, though I've been told it's nothing like the rest of the UK. Still, it looks similar to where Harry Potter lives (his Aunt and Uncles place in Surrey--which btw--is quite accurate). The City Centre is really nice. With the ski place, the shops, bars, pubs, clubs, rock climbing wall, markets etc., there is a lot to do/choose from. I'll be spending a lot of time there-- I can already tell. 

Today, after going for a run, I did a bunch of looking around. Found my way to the local pub for some lunch followed by finding my way to a bus stop that took me into the City Centre. I really have been away from the UK for a while because a lot of what became second nature to me, has pretty much disappeared. I'm still getting use to the money and the accent here is more cockney rather than posh, like it was at RHUL. I have a difficult time understanding a good portion of the people here, but I think my ear will readjust as the weeks continue. Anyway, after lunch I asked around and found the bus that takes you into the City Centre (instead of walking the four miles). It's really easy and rather cheep; I can get a month pass for 35 pounds--not bad! My first errand of the day was to purchase a bike. I am now a proud owner of a bike and plan on taking that everywhere lol. MK is really Green Friendly for the reason that they have a bike/walking path that goes ALL OVER (Milton Keynes is not small, but they've managed to create a path that spans the entire town). After that I poked about and then headed home (purchased a new umbrella that is complete rubbish and essentially did NOTHING when it started to rain this afternoon during my walk back from the bus stop--note to self: do not skimp on an umbrella--less really is less...). 

I met a friend of a friend from RHUL who took her sister and myself back to City Centre for a drink. It was really nice meeting more people and starting to see that I'm going to have no problem finding friends around these parts :) 

Okay it's 11 and I should get going. I'm heading into London to meet Steph tomorrow--haven't seen her in about a 2 years or so! I'll update more in a few days or so! Pictures will be up as soon as there are enough to create a photo album on facebook.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Mowing it all down and dancing in the rip tide...

I have 6 hours left in the US before I head off to the UK for the next year. It still hasn't sunk in that I'm moving away from all I've known for 21 years of my life to seek out something new and innovative. I suppose having studied in the UK prior to this experience is giving me the tools and help that I'll need to acclimate myself to life abroad. I visited Maryland this past week after my visa was delayed. I was suppose to be in England by now, but something happened with the paper work and, well, lets just say that bureaucratic BS is all over the British Government; lovely. Regardless of all this, it was nice to have my cake and eat it too :) Because of the delay in my visa I was able to to say goodbye to everyone one last time. I managed to tie some loose ends up while I was there as well. Last time I left for the UK, there were many ties left unattended to--I think it had a serious affect on my experience studying abroad. I made it a point not to let that happen again. As I told Lisa, I'm leaving the US this time knowing that I'm happy, where I should be, and with nothing to cause me to look back--a very refreshing and comforting thought indeed. 

I receive my materials for my remaining classes tomorrow. I can only imagine what texts I'll teach my students. My grandfather reassured me of my self-doubt (as stated in my last post, this is still something I'm coping with--but I find it's becoming easier as the days proceed). Perhaps once I get into the swing of things I'll feel as though I have a firm grip on the materials and that'll, in turn, help with not second guessing myself. I'm excited to meet the other teachers, though I wonder if I'll receive any slack for being an American in the English department. I know the students will find it rather amusing, but adults can be just as cruel as children/teens. There's a part of me that worries they'll use my nationality as a reason to be somewhat hostile; "after all, the English language came to America from the UK, what would an American know that we don't?" (Oh geez...) More doubt, more second guessing--I suppose I'll just have to suck it up and "put on a happy face." I can't let my peers (and CERTAINLY NOT my students) know that I'm feeling this way, it might just put my job in jeopardy.

Well, I should be off. Next time I post I'll be writing from the UK. I'll have my cell phone number and address by then--but if you need to get in contact with me, simply use AIM or afleis1@towson.edu 

Sunday, August 17, 2008

T-minus two days...

60 hours, 4 minutes and give or take 5 seconds, I board a plane headed towards the UK. Beginning the next chapter in my life evokes many questions, mainly those pertaining to whether or not I should have been given this job in the first place. Doubt. Second guessing. The gut wrenching thought that what you learned during your time spent as an undergraduate never sunk in and you are, without a doubt, screwed. None of this has a place where I plan to go--not if I intend to succeed. I learned an important lesson from Missy, my mother's sister, during my last visit to Florida. "Ashley," she said, "It is completely natural to second guess yourself. I do it all the time." I was baffled at the idea of Missy ever second guessing herself. She always seemed to know what she wanted, where to get it, how to get it, and with the air that she will, in the end, get it. She continued, "But Ron [her husband] always reminds me that there is no need to second guess my ability to succeed in life. He has faith in me and the more I listen to him, the easier it is believe him." She could tell that I wasn't entirely convinced. Here was a woman who never had to study a day in her life in high school, attended and graduated from PSU with high marks, and is now looking to go to nursing school. Did I mention she's pulling straight As in all of her courses? Trying to salvage her point she hit me with one of her comments--the type that sting on contact, but seems to subside and sink it almost instantaneously. "Ashley, if you don't believe in yourself, you might succeed for a while, but if you continue with that mind set, you will only bring yourself down and in the fail. You got the job because they knew what you are capable of doing. They know exactly where you're coming from, what type of experience you have, and should expect nothing more than what you are capable of providing." Ouch. Painful, but true. If I don't believe in myself then, yes I might succeed for a while and fool the faculty, perhaps not the students, but it will only last so long. I must learn to actually believe the idea that I graduated from my undergraduate studies with my marks I earned fair and square. I passed countless tests, papers, evaluations, and the approval of some very difficult adolescents. Yes, the curriculum is far different from what I am use to and my students, specifically my A-levels, are smarter than any students I've ever encountered during my year of student teaching, but this does not call for me to second guess my abilities; something I've shown in the past year as being Distinguished. Of course I have much to learn; teaching, ironically enough, is all about learning (both on the part of the students and the teachers). I only hope that I can fully convince myself that I am fully capable of performing the task at hand because the outcome could be simply delightful. :)