T-minus two days...

60 hours, 4 minutes and give or take 5 seconds, I board a plane headed towards the UK. Beginning the next chapter in my life evokes many questions, mainly those pertaining to whether or not I should have been given this job in the first place. Doubt. Second guessing. The gut wrenching thought that what you learned during your time spent as an undergraduate never sunk in and you are, without a doubt, screwed. None of this has a place where I plan to go--not if I intend to succeed. I learned an important lesson from Missy, my mother's sister, during my last visit to Florida. "Ashley," she said, "It is completely natural to second guess yourself. I do it all the time." I was baffled at the idea of Missy ever second guessing herself. She always seemed to know what she wanted, where to get it, how to get it, and with the air that she will, in the end, get it. She continued, "But Ron [her husband] always reminds me that there is no need to second guess my ability to succeed in life. He has faith in me and the more I listen to him, the easier it is believe him." She could tell that I wasn't entirely convinced. Here was a woman who never had to study a day in her life in high school, attended and graduated from PSU with high marks, and is now looking to go to nursing school. Did I mention she's pulling straight As in all of her courses? Trying to salvage her point she hit me with one of her comments--the type that sting on contact, but seems to subside and sink it almost instantaneously. "Ashley, if you don't believe in yourself, you might succeed for a while, but if you continue with that mind set, you will only bring yourself down and in the fail. You got the job because they knew what you are capable of doing. They know exactly where you're coming from, what type of experience you have, and should expect nothing more than what you are capable of providing." Ouch. Painful, but true. If I don't believe in myself then, yes I might succeed for a while and fool the faculty, perhaps not the students, but it will only last so long. I must learn to actually believe the idea that I graduated from my undergraduate studies with my marks I earned fair and square. I passed countless tests, papers, evaluations, and the approval of some very difficult adolescents. Yes, the curriculum is far different from what I am use to and my students, specifically my A-levels, are smarter than any students I've ever encountered during my year of student teaching, but this does not call for me to second guess my abilities; something I've shown in the past year as being Distinguished. Of course I have much to learn; teaching, ironically enough, is all about learning (both on the part of the students and the teachers). I only hope that I can fully convince myself that I am fully capable of performing the task at hand because the outcome could be simply delightful. :)