I was told last night that I was a cynical person. That hopefully one day I'll find someone who I can open up to. And that I'm really quite immature in some aspects of my personality.
Ouch.
At this point, I've realized 9 times out of 10 it really is me. That perhaps I am a horrible person, or at least I've been made to feel like one in this particular situation. Obviously there are other people out there, but when those people come into my life I will probably end up screwing it up, yet again; this will come as no surprise. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I am going to be alone the rest of my life because of who I am as an individual; men don't want to be with a person like me.
It's amazing how wine and Ameretto mixed together can really take away the pain of the initial blow and send you into that false sense of ease. I just needed that for one more night before I begin clawing my way back down to reality. As most of you know, I'm not a heavy drinker by any means necessary, but I can certainly see why people turn to alcohol if they've given up. Thank God my two (female) roommates were there for moral support.
My brain right now is on fire--literally and metaphorically speaking--or maybe that's just my pounding headache. Regardless, I am now going into overdrive mode. This is where I busy myself to the point of having no life as a means to forget, for a while, exactly what happened. Typically, my lessons turn out the best during this time, the rate at which I accomplish things is incredible, and my over all persona, on the outside, is beaming; there's nothing worse than someone who wears his or her emotions on their sleeve at work. I think the British call it a "stiff upper lip..."
3 comments:
Cynical? That’s white people code for being a hater right?
I wouldn’t be concerned until your brain is metaphysically on fire. That’s never fun as it takes hours of reading Heidegger to extinguish the flames.
In conclusion (like I had a thesis), listen to more Jay-Z, read more continental philosophy, and don’t go buying a cat just yet.
Lol thanks for the comment, Brendon.
I'm not going to buy cats just yet...perhaps something smaller...like a gold-fish.
In other news...apparently we have a new president or something to that effect ;) I was quite pleased with the outcome, though to be honest, it was only up until the past few months that I actually began to support Obama (up until that point it was Kodos all the way...)
Meh... sounds like this guy is really talking about someone else... don't worry, you didn't screw anything up. Ptsh, there's nothing wrong with being cynical! This is coming from the Queen of Cynics and I will say, it was not my cynicism that has led to the demise of my many relationships, but my stupidity for dating those guys to begin with! And there's nothing wrong with drinking away your sorrows. I go out 4-5 times a week! OK. Bedtime for me.
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